Nov. 29--Two mothers who lost children to violence turn to charity to cope with the loss that deepens during the holiday season.

A steady flow of fundraisers, memorials and donations serve both as reminders of tragedy and a distraction that can guide families through the stress of a loss, say grief counselors and the grief-stricken.

Jodi Cuccia's daughter, Demi, 16, was killed by her boyfriend in 2007, but the Gateway High School cheerleader lives on in the annual "A Round for Demi" charity golf tournament and a ticket raffle this year to win a signed Sidney Crosby Penguins jersey.

"Around Christmas time, it is difficult to find joy when you've suffered the loss of child," Cuccia said. "But I've found that bringing joy to another family brings joy to my family."

Cuccia, 45, a physical trainer from Monroeville, said she used some of the money raised in Demi's name to purchase gifts for a poor family of five living in the Pittsburgh area.

The idea combines Christmas and helping others, two things her young daughter loved.

"She was a very giving person, and she always liked to see people happy. Christmas was one of her favorite times of the year," she said. "I thought, in my quiet time while thinking about my daughter, 'This is something that would bring a smile to her face.' "

Cuccia and other family members have donated money to the Greensburg Lions, Greensburg Salem Varsity cheerleaders, the Paul Decker Foundation and March of Dimes.

Marilyn Chapla, associate director of the Good Grief Center in Squirrel Hill, said her nonprofit grief counseling office notices a seasonal spike in the number of calls and visits from those distraught over deaths of loved ones. It begins in September.

People call the center when they're stressed and want to avoid upsetting their families gathered at home for the holidays. Grief counselors meet or talk with them one-on-one.

Charitable acts can help a grieving family, Chapla said.

"It does take your mind off of it, in one respect, and then it can be also the reminder of the reality," she said. "It's difficult, but it can be a very healing way to cope with someone's grief."

Chapla said finding ways to honor a family member who was killed often is difficult in the first year after the loss.

Frances Kelly of Fairywood, the mother of Eric G. Kelly, one of three Pittsburgh police officers gunned down in the line of duty April 4, said she has attended numerous fundraisers to support the families of the other slain officers, Paul J. Sciullo II and Stephen J. Mayhle.

The death of her 41-year-old son is still too recent, Frances Kelly said.

"I go, but it's draining. Every time I go it takes something out of me," she said.

Charitable events held by the Fraternal Order of Police union at churches in Homewood and East Liberty and one held by Sciullo's family have not lessened her anguish.

Kelly said she wants to find a way to keep her son's memory alive, perhaps through charity, but not until after the man suspected of the killings is tried. A judge hasn't scheduled a trial date for Richard Poplawski, accused of the shootings at his Stanton Heights home.

"This is something that we will never, ever get over," Kelly said.

Paul Friday, head of clinical psychology at UPMC Shadyside, said a parent's pain of losing a child never goes away.

"Charitable works would help, but there is no one way to resolve grief outside of finding other people who you can love and staying close to them."

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